More urgency. More intensity. More desperation. More more more. This is the best love you’ve ever known, and you haven’t had enough, and you’re scared you’ll lose it. You need him to know that. You need to do something to make him hold the other end of the rope taut. You’re pulling and pulling so the line won’t go slack. Be greedy and ungraceful with your body here. You’re trying to drink him, memorise him, absorb him as if you could store this up for later, when you’re parched. Don’t contain the crying. Get to a point where you can see this might be the end and then let the dam break. Let all your fear and love spill out all at once, so when he says he loves you, don’t pull back and say I love you too in a way that looks anything like the polite exchanging of compliments. Say it like a howl at the moon, and then over and over like a prayer. Like someone trying to manifest a wish or save a life. With absolute fervour. Because you get what this will mean, you already feel the weight of the absence coming down on you, and the weight of the time it will last. You know exactly what is going to happen and how it will feel. So take all that weight of what is coming down the pike and put it onto your heart in that moment and try and use your body and his and those three-four words as a lever to try to hoist it. You’re trying to move a mountain. You’re trying to stop time. You’re trying to beat the facts off with all your might for just a minute longer. And then, in an instant, ricochet off him with all that force and go through the gate.
Holy shit! That's intense!
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